Kevin Youkilis Gets Hit, Tackled, Suspended for 5 Games

When I saw the headline on espn.com that Kevin Youkilis and Rick Porcello had been ejected for an alleged "bench clearing brawl" Tuesday night, my inner crazed MMA fan began to imagine a battered and bloodied Porcello, writhing in pain after taking a beating from one of the scariest looking baseball players in the game. I instantly reminisced about the Yankees-Red Sox brawl where Manny Ramirez waited for an inside strike as an excuse to charge Roger Clemens, thus causing Don Zimmer to inexplicably charge Pedro Martinez, resulting in hilarity for millions.

Since the game hadn't ended yet, I couldn't find video of the "brawl" so I waited in anticipation while at work. My imagination ran wild. I could only hope that this brawl would be half as exciting as the Yanks and the Sox from a few years ago, but regardless, I expected entertainment. I mean, some of the greatest moments in baseball happen more often than a good ole bench clearing fight. I googled "baseball fights" and found a top 10 list that included some of my old favorites. First there was Nolan Ryan standing dead still on the mound waiting for a very stupid Robin Ventura to take his headlocked beating. Next there was Gerald Williams taking a LONG time pretending to walk to first and then charging Pedro Martinez. Finally, there's little known Izzy Alcantara with by far the best technique in charging the mound (kick catcher, charge mound, ward off infielders). Needless to say, I was excited to see what the Youkah had in store.

When I got home from work, I turned on the TV (already on ESPN of course) and waited for the highlights of the game. Luckily, Baseball Tonight was already in the midst of analyzing every angle of the incident. After watching and re-watching the sequence of events, I was outraged. Kevin Youkilis, aka resident badass for a recently swept Red Sox team, not only got hit by the pitch, but executed a feeble tackle attempt that resulted in a body slam from the great Rick Porcello (who?). How could this happen? The Youkah is supposed to inspire fear and respect from opposing pitchers. It wasn't as if 170 lbs of Nick Green or Jacoby Ellisbury were making a bee line for the pitcher. No, it was the bald headed, beard wielding, crazy eyed, 220 pounded Youkah. And he got body slammed. Major League Baseball should have seen that as punishment enough and not suspended him. I have lost so much respect for Youkilis after this. How could this happen? I mean, if it were Kyle Farnsworth, I could understand, but Rick-My teammates will finally know my name-Porcello?

Baseball is in such disarray these days, fans have very little to count on. Steroids have tainted nearly every current big name in the game and have cast shadows of doubt over all those not mentioned in the Mitchell Report or the Government's list of 104 names. But when I hear about a brawl, especially one involving a guy who looks more like a member of Hell's Angels than a baseball player, I expect to see at least 3 landed punches on the pitcher's body and someones blood smeared on someone else's jersey. Instead, i got a thrown helmet and a missed tackle. Thanks Kevin.